Autumn Is a Time for Letting Go

I live in Arizona so I do not get the benefit of seeing the beautiful fall foliage colors that some of the other parts of the nation enjoy. However, I see plenty of pics of autumn colors posted all over social media from friends across the country.

One thing I always think about in the fall is, “What do I need to let go of? What do I need to address so that I can grow more next year?”

I was thinking about that last week as I facilitated a group that included a number of brave participants. Each had long-term, successful recovery in one area, but were still working to overcome issues that had presented themselves in other areas of their lives.

Are You Holding on to Your Pain?
The more insight we have into ourselves, the more likely we are to notice additional things that we need to work on. It is not uncommon for people in recovery to find other areas of their lives unmanageable.

Sometimes, the issues are just part of everyday life; but, for people in recovery, everyday life issues can increase the risk of relapse and bring more challenges to recovery. Some of these unresolved issues might include other addictions, relationship or family issues, unresolved childhood or adult trauma, unavoidable grief and loss, money and work issues, long-held resentments, or simply complacency that has halted their growth in recovery.

We may think we need to hold onto some of our pain because we are not sure who we would be without it. We might also feel that we need certain behaviors to cope or survive. At times, we compare our current issues to those we already addressed and deem them “less serious.” Then, we procrastinate on the additional emotional work that we need to do. Regardless of what the additional issues are, it is important to address them.

Rio Retreat Bunkhouse

The Rio Retreat Bunkhouse is designed to be conducive to the process of healing and recovery. Book your stay at The Bunkhouse when you register for your workshop for added convenience, and more immersive healing environment.

Bunkhouse lodging is available on a first come, first serve basis; early registration is recommended.

Rooms and Accommodations

The rooms at The Bunkhouse are purposely free of the distractions that often accompany hotel lodging such as TVs and phones. Rooms are very simply furnished with two twin beds, storage space, an alarm clock, and luggage stand. All rooms have their own private bathroom.

Bunkhouse occupants will have access to the swimming pool during certain hours. Modest bathing suits are required.

A Sunday evening snack will be provided. Meals will be provided from Monday morning through Noon on Friday.

Saying Goodbye to Love Addiction and Love Avoidance

The following letter was written by a woman who attended The Love Addiction/Love Avoidance workshop at The Rio Retreat Center at The Meadows. At the end of the workshop, participants were asked to write a goodbye letter to their love addiction and to the walls they had put up around themselves as a result. You can learn more about the workshop by calling 800-244-4949 or by sending us an email. Those who register before June 30 will receive a 25 percent discount!

Dear Soul-Sucking Newly Identified Issues,

First, I’m going to dismantle my wall one brick at a time. I will remove each brick and grind it into dust. I will then reform the dust into something useful, like a bird bath that I will place in my garden where the wall used to stand. I know I will occasionally feel the need to start a new wall, but I will only need to remind myself that maybe a short, temporary fence can serve the same protective purpose. A fence is something that two people can lean on and talk across until they both decide that any kind of barrier is unnecessary.

While I am dismantling my wall, I am also kissing the fantasy goodbye. Rumor has it that men are mere humans, unable to leap tall buildings, and that their ability to read my mind and fulfill my every wish without a word from me has been overstated by both Hollywood and Harlequin. Given that I’ve been duped by mass media once again, I’m going in search of a better story. There’s something to be said for that thing called reality programming! Instead of holding out for the glass slipper, I’m putting on my hiking boots and starting the search for this creature they call a perfectly imperfect human man. You can no longer keep me captivated with stories of happily ever after. I’m willing to strive for “really good” after a lot of hard work, knowing that some days are still probably going to suck.

So, Fantasy Life, I say this: Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it’s off to reality I go.

R. T.

Source Link

Break Through The Man Rules™

Sometimes, the cultural expectations placed on men make it difficult for them to address emotional trauma and build healthy relationships. A Man’s Way™ Retreat offers men a chance to explore what it means to be man and to begin to address the issues that may be preventing them from finding the success and fulfillment they deserve.

The retreat will be lead by Dan Griffin, MA, a Senior Fellow at The Meadows and author of and A Man’s Way Through Relationships. Dan has dedicated his professional life to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. His goal is to help men understand the emotional and social impact The Man Rules™ have on them and to find success in their personal and professional lives.

Be The Best Man You Can Be

The 5- day workshop is geared toward men who are in recovery, but are wondering why they still feel that something is missing in their lives—Maybe their relationships aren’t going as well as they had hoped, or they are not as successful in their careers as they would like to be. In order to address these issues and others, participants will take a deep and unflinching look at their core ideas about masculinity through in-depth and challenging personal work while, at the same time, remembering how to play, laugh, and relax.

Dan will lead participants through a discussion of the effects of The Man Rules™ on their relationships with themselves and others, and how past experiences affect their ability to be fully present in relationships. Participants will leave the workshop feeling ready to stand as a healthy man in the space they have created for their lives.

Register Today

A Man’s Way Retreat will offered on the following dates in 2016:

• April 25 – 29
• July 4 – 8
• October 3 – 7

Everyone who signs up for the retreat will receive a copy of A Man’s Way Through Relationships in advance. Those who have questions about the retreat, or are interested in registering, can call 800-244-4949.

Source Link

Break the Self-Defeating Patterns of Love Addiction

By Grace Brooks, LPC, LISAC, Rio Retreat Center Workshop Facilitator

“You complete me.”

When I think of addictive relationships this quote from the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire immediately comes to mind. In an addictive relationship, if you don’t manage to “complete” him or her you’d better watch out. You’re in for a crazy ride that unfortunately, without help, can end in death—yours or someone else’s.

I have been working as a Licensed Professional Counselor for 20 years. Thirteen of those years have been at The Meadows where, I have spent the majority of my time lecturing and facilitating workshops on the painful cycle of Love Addiction and Love Avoidance.

Facing Love Addiction

When I first read Pia Mellody’s book, Facing Love Addiction, I felt as though she had jumped into my mind and took notes. It was a relief to understand why I had such “crazy making” relationships. “What is wrong with me?” was a question I had been asking myself repeatedly.

Then the healing journey began. I discovered that there actually was something amiss. The good news was that I could fix it. I traced my painful reactions in my relationships to my childhood. Understanding where the trauma came from was easy; actually working through the trauma was hard.

When I was growing up, as an infant, a child and a teenager, my mother was not able to give me the time and attention I needed. She was not doing it on purpose; her mother was not able to give her the emotional nurturing she needed either. I learned it’s often a problem passed on from generation to generation. I was told I could break the cycle in my own family if I took “a few simple steps” (as we say in AA.)

The Burden of Completing Others

I learned that in my adult relationships, I was still desperately looking for attention and love from other people, particularly women. This played out by me turning strong women friends, sponsors and therapists into my surrogate mothers. I discovered through Pia’s love addiction theories that I was misusing these women by expecting them to complete me, because it didn’t allow me to accept them for who they actually were.

The responsibility of completing others surfaced primarily in my relationships with men. My brothers had always taken pains to treat me like I was very special and make me feel like I was their favorite.

In addition, I learned how to make everyone in my family of six siblings happy. That was how I felt good about myself. I could make people okay using humor. In family systems therapy, we call this the role of the mascot.

Later, I attracted needy men into my life so I could make them feel good! I turned myself into whatever they needed and eventually felt “engulfed, drained and controlled,” a common reaction that Pia points out in her book.

Breaking Self-Defeating Relationship Patterns

When I present this information in workshops, I see looks of understanding and relief spread across my clients’ faces as they realize that they are not crazy and are not the only ones who suffer from these types of self-defeating relationship patterns.

I began my journey to end these patterns 25 years ago by returning to my inner child. (What?) Yes, exactly what I said—I returned to that little girl who got lost in the painful experience of my childhood. I met her through inner child work.

I was startled at first as I visualized her face. I felt both connected to her and angry with her. I journeyed back to my childhood memories and felt the pain of abandonment and enmeshment. The healing did not happen overnight, but it did happen.

My relationships have improved although my trauma is not completely gone, I don’t think you can clear all of it, but my reactions when I perceive distancing and engulfing have greatly lessened.

Register for the Love Addiction / Love Avoidance Workshop

Love addicts assign too much value, time, and attention to another person, while neglecting to care for or value themselves. Love avoiders systematically uses relational walls during intimate contact in order to prevent feeling overwhelmed by the other person, associating “love” with duty or work.

If you fit either description, our Love Addiction / Love Avoidance workshop may be exactly what you need to learn how to develop more healthy, balanced, and fulfilling relationships. Call our Intake coordinator at 800-244-4949 to find out more or visit the workshop’s webpage.

Source Link